Robot vs Vampire: WHO WOULD WIN?

http://www.gamer-talk.net/images/article/editorials/matt/rob-robot.jpg vs. http://www.discountcostumes4u.com/images/products/cs935.jpg

Robots, definitely... they can crush and mangle vampires with their metal claws and laser-eyes; what can vampires do to robots, suck the motor oil out of their sturdy metal frames? Psf--I don't think so.

That's about right. Vampires can't do jack against robots! What, are they going to use eyebeams to feeze their very souls so they can't move? Pfft, good luck, robots don't HAVE souls! And that illusion where you can't see the reflection? They is robots! They won't be fooled by that! Also, robots THRIVE in sunlight, if they are solar powered, while vampires don't. Plus, robots use sheer logic to win. They would storm the vampire castle JUST WHEN THE SUN STARTS TO RISE giving them the whole freakin' day to have free run of the place.

And, as Bender would say "Weak against silver? Pfft, I'm 20% silver!".

All vampires can do is suck blood. Robots don't have blood. Robots are instant winners.

But what if the vampires unplugged the robots? What then?

Unplugged? What robots are you talking about here? Even toy robots are battery powered!

But you see, this takes place in an alternate future where all robots are required by law to be powered by wall sockets so that they can never again enslave humanity as they once did.

I don't see how that stops outlaw robots... If all battery powered robots are outlawed, then only outlaws will have battery power! Which means...

Um...

Uh...

I think it means something bad will happen.

Anyway, in this alternate universe of wall powered robots, what are the vampires like? Are they like reverse vampires that are all public transportation?

No, see the vampires are really like...pro athletes, alright? They play sports for the money they need to buy shaving cream to power their monstrously active castle things? Quite frankly I have no idea what I'm typring right, I'm sort of this half-daze and I'm just typing whatever crazy stuff pops into my head, so at this moment I could say just about anything and when I woke up the morning I'd have no idea what it is I just said. I mean I could say something like purple monkey dishwashers washing the rings of Saturn's mega-belt and I wouldn't remember any of it. And the vampires use the shaving cream in the vast melting pots where they create vast armies of rubber mutants who eat chocolate bars to gain strength, that happened in a game too I think. They also run around and say weird things that people don't understand but for some reason...man, I really tired....

Vampires might have a chance, that five foot limit might really put them at a disadvantage. Also, vampires don't appear in mirrors...so would they be immune to X-Ray vision as well?

Then again, the robots would have chainsaw hands and the strength of five gorillas...

Yeah, robots win.

Eegads! Not those blasted Battlebots again!

You didn't like BattleBots?

What's not entertaining about mindless destruction?

Well, for one thing there's no real destruction going on. Those spinning flails just sorta bounce off each other and the hosts are all "A MASSIVE IMPACT!" when nothing was done. There's a reason why the winner has to be determined by points or getting stuck in the arena!

Lots of battlebots get taken out when by the weapons of the other battlebots, such as having a tire/tread ripped off or some part of their motor system crushed. It does happen.

I just like watching things be destroyed. It's not funny if anybody gets hurt or killed, but it's cool to watch objects crumble. :D

Whatever happened to Battlebots, that seemed really big and popular one year, and then it just disappeared... they even had a clone show of it.

Comedy Central canned it, and they were even in the process of making a game, but it got scrapped about the same time the show was cancelled.

Sad really, but filling the void for me has been a game called Robot Arena 2. It allows you to build your own robots and pit them against one another. Anyone who liked the show and misses it now really oughta check out the game, it's only $20 buck and there is a ton of options for building and countless downloadable parts and AI robots. That one I posted a few posts up is one I built in the game, one my best, Eviscerator. Here are a couple others, in order they're Scarlet Thunder, Cerberus, Gale Force, and Armageddon II.

Maybe, but eh, not on my watch. I bet they always play up the times it does happen and ignore the majority of times when a hammer hits the other bot with NO effect and the hosts can only say "oooh that's a major attack, if that had been like... something softer... it would have broke...". And I'm all "yes but it WASN'T something softer was it?"

Let us use videogames for reference.

Vampires are in Castlevania. Vampires are feminine, likely bisexual men of frail constitution. They get beaten by guys with whips.

Robots are in Xenogears. A group of Robots beats the living snot out of a being that had the power to kill almost everyone in the entire world.

And if that weren't enough, one of those robots, Andvari, uses whips. Vampires would be so fucked it's not even funny.

Robots 1, Vampires 0.

Dracula is feminine? But... he seems like the very model of a gentleman!

He's also a common figure in yaoi literature. For a reason.

Dracula ---> :gay2:

What's yaoi literature?

And I guess so... Honestly Dracula never seems all that gayish to me. Now on the other hand... his SON... well I think Dracula probably just uses the whole "he sided with humanity" thing as a cover for why he's really ashamed of him.

What's yaoi literature?

Guy/Guy

guy/guy?

...

Um... is that supposed to mean what I think it does? Is that a round-about way of saying it's a gay "romance novel" or something?

I guess I really don't want to know where the word "yaoi" or whatever came from...

guy/guy?

...

Um... is that supposed to mean what I think it does? Is that a round-about way of saying it's a gay "romance novel" or something?
More or less, yeah.

What is this common knowledge or something? I've never even heard that term before. Is it like... street slang?

It's the japanese word for gay manga.

It's a very common term in fanfiction communities, especially with anime fanfiction.

OB1 how would you even KNOW that?

Geno, how would you even KNOW that?

That is disturbing... wait fanfiction? That gives it a whole new disturbing angle... Ugh... That's why fanfiction is a BAD THING. Futurama is right...

Kirk: Alas, my ship, whom I love like a woman... is disabled. *ugh...*

Spock: Don't worry captain, Melvar will help us.

Melvar: It is I, Melvar!

Once, years ago when I first got into Xenogears, I found a whole website full of Xenogears yaoi. There was a story where Id rapes Citan.

Providentially, I long ago forgot where it is, and hopefully... its just not there anymore. I could not look at Bart and Billy the same way for a long time. :(

That's where I heard it from...and not from actual experience with it.

According to Dictionary.com "YAOI" is an Japanese acronym for "Yama Nashi, Ochi Nashi, Imi Nashi (Japanese roughly meaning: no climax, no resolution, no meaning)", not sure how that translates to guy/guy stuff...maybe some kind of double-entendre? :dunno:

So I guess it's just some misunderstood Japanese word that got applied to something weird?

Um Weltall, from what you describe... please don't tell me it more than just "romance" and is actually more like harlequin romance! Oh dear freakin... Do these people have LIVES? Honestly, what exactly compelled you to read all that? Fascination with the abomination?

They probably use that word just to hide their activities from prying eyes. I think if there were countless places calling themselves "gay porn stories based on Marry Shelly's Dracula", well... there aren't countless places that call themselves that are there? Anyway, they likely don't want their twisted subculture numbering in the 10's to be exposed.

Edit: Wait, isn't Billy like 16 or something? Isn't that illegal? Maybe they got shut down for peddling underage porn. We can only hope.

Um Weltall, from what you describe... please don't tell me it more than just "romance" and is actually more like harlequin romance! Oh dear freakin... Do these people have LIVES? Honestly, what exactly compelled you to read all that? Fascination with the abomination?

Edit: Wait, isn't Billy like 16 or something? Isn't that illegal? Maybe they got shut down for peddling underage porn. We can only hope.
Fascination with abomination is what prompted me to see the Citan/Id story (I could not believe it was real... it was worse than I could have imagined. It was not only rape, but torture (sword up ass!))

The rest, I did not read. The whole love story between Billy and Bart was a huge series, and I'll be damned if my curiousity about the sick and twisted could overcome that.

Oddly enough, the site had no gay Fei stories, and actually did have a lot of decent sex-free fanfics.

Regardless of actually having sex, it was bad enough when I thought it was only a disturbing relationship where none should exist. No thank you, I'll stay away from "romance fanfiction". As for the rest, well I've only read a few, years ago, of the "not as disturbing" kind. From what I remember, generally it was "things they SHOULD have did, because that last Star Trek movie SUCKED their way" or "I'm putting myself in there, because I don't like my real life, also in this world I'm the most powerful and cool being ever... like I always wanted to be, and everyone loves me except the enemy, but like, when the enemy dies by MY hand they will say I was cool".

I do enjoy 8 bit theater and bob and george, because they are comedy takes on it (though bob and george is trying a bit too hard to sorta be cool or something, the guy needs to stop worrying about plot holes, I don't CARE, it's comedy, plotholes only ADD to comedy*). But, as a general rule anyone who would go about trying to make some amazing story based on their favorite stuff without getting some sort of request from or approval from the owner of that thing, it sorta says something about that person's priorities, and the subsequent quality you can expect...

*Example: Bender: Me and this turtle also have that other thing in common...
Fry: What?
Bender: Well, when we fall on our backs we can't get up.
Fry: WHAAT?? I've seen you get up off your back plenty of times!
Bender: EVERY SINGLE ONE of those times I was slightly on my side.
Hermes: Let us test this erectile dysfunction of yours.

Edit: Oh yes, regarding the details of that one story Weltall described... um, I didn't need to know that, and also, I think whoever wrote that is a potential danger to society if they are writing THAT.

There's lots of that stuff out there on the web, both fanfiction and just stories, if you look for it... 'sickening?' I'm sure it is. And yeah, it does make you wonder about the people who write that stuff... but it's not illegal. We have free speech. Well, in some countries, with less freedom of speech. it probably is (remember, it's not legal everywhere to use hate speech like it is here (see: court protection of neonazi rallies)!), but oh well...

Honestly, a lot of that stuff... yeah, maybe it should be illegal (not just gay stories. I mean when they involve rape, children, etc), but that brings up the question of where do you stop... does that start a 'slippery slope', as it were.

OB1 how would you even KNOW that?


Back when I first got into anime some people at a message board mentioned it.

ABF, yes that's the stuff I was talking about, the rape and child stuff Weltall mentioned. Yes, that should be illegal, and from what I understand, it already is. Where to stop? Well, I guess when it comes to a tasteful survival story one can stop.

I mean, the rest I suppose shouldn't really be illegal, but I do think those people need to seek help. I'm not sure exactly what's going on in their heads that they should write this stuff, but help is certainly needed. I'd like to THINK that no one actually reads it for enjoyment... I think maybe it's just people there to laugh at it or read it for the same reason Weltall did...

Actually it isn't illegal. Sometime back the Supreme Court overturned a ruling that made "virtual" child porn illegal. So, it's legal as long as it's not real, meaning no real child was involved in the creation of work.

Seriously? That's messed up, but I guess I can understand it to a degree... Any links to that report? I imagine you read it on the news somewhere? I think at least the FBI should be keeping tabs on such people... I mean, it's only a matter before "artificial" turns to real...

Here's a link:

http://archives.cnn.com/2002/LAW/04/16/scotus.virtual.child.porn/

I mean, it's only a matter before "artificial" turns to real.

The bad thing is it's been real for some time. I hear on the news quite often about people being caught the real stuff.

Right, that's the key. Just like neo-nazis, you're free to say (or write) almost anything you want, as long as it doesn't actively harm anyone. So writing stories about murdering people is fine, as long as you don't then go out and kill people. It'll make anyone who reads your story wonder about your mental health, but it's legal... and is probably not going away anytime soon (for both good and ill) because of the constitution. Oh, sure, we're in an age of lots of attacks on the constitution, but I don't think that laws to restrict our freedoms of speech as much as would be required to ban stories about killing people, or raping children, or whatever would requre (more than you think, I'm sure -- as the congress found out, it's really hard to get any laws passed -- and declared constitutional -- that restrict the right of free speech... defining exactly what should be legal and what shouldn't is really hard. So which stories are illegal -- ones where a character is murdered? Raped? Any time someone below the age of consent is involved -- and remember, every state has different laws about when it's legal, making it an even murkier issue than it already is (like what about sci-fi stories with thousand-year-old characters who only LOOK twelve? Or robots?_)...? Simply anything involving homosexuality, for the strong radical right branch in our government?)

The point is, drawing a line is hard. It'd be a really hard law to pass, and even harder law to make constitutional, and an almost impossible law to enforce, I'd think... I definitely understand the thought 'how is some of that stuff legal?', but when you look at the whole issue the reason is clear. Though if you lived in, say, Brazil, the answer would probably be different... but this is the US and we have more constitutionally gauranteed rights than most nations (still true, mostly, despite our government's best efforts to destroy them for the past four years...)

Yeah GR, I know that... What I mean is any individual in the mental state needed to write such a story is likely only a bit of time away from going beyond the story... And, who is this person writing them for anyway?

ABF, Yes, I see what you mean... still, would it be that bad to just keep an eye on these people? Well, maybe... What of the ones just writing about like, survival stories that "insist on distubring realism and detail"? Honestly I don't ever watch movies like that, too disturbing, but in those cases the stories are just being made to basically make people aware of a problem.

That's a good question (watching people who write stories like that)... and to some degree it already happens -- look what happens to people who write stories that are comparitively harmless in school and others find out about it. The thing about online is that it takes some real effort to figure out who people are... so doing that could be hard. And I'm sure most people don't actually do what they fantasize. But it would seem like they'd be more likely to do such things than the general population, so I don't know... maybe . But I defintiely don't support reducing our rights to free speech, as disturbing as what some people can think up surely is.

I suppose you have a point... The difference I can see is in the case of that kid with the zombie story it should have been pretty obvious that it was just a story. When I say "just watch" what I mean is don't do anything without some real proof.

Still, I think we can all agree psychiatric help is in order.

I suppose you have a point... The difference I can see is in the case of that kid with the zombie story it should have been pretty obvious that it was just a story. When I say "just watch" what I mean is don't do anything without some real proof.

Those things are taken the way they are because in our "post-Columbine" world, with such a focus on school violence, every little thing is taken absolutely seriously... they can't afford to take any chances, or something silly like that. It really should be clear when a story is just a story and not a call for help (subconcious or not), but obviously it isn't always to everyone...

Still, I think we can all agree psychiatric help is in order.

Sometimes I'm sure it is, but actually getting it to them would be pretty tough.

OB1 how would you even KNOW that?

Geno, how would you even KNOW that?

That is disturbing... wait fanfiction? That gives it a whole new disturbing angle... Ugh... That's why fanfiction is a BAD THING. Futurama is right...

Kirk: Alas, my ship, whom I love like a woman... is disabled. *ugh...*

Spock: Don't worry captain, Melvar will help us.

Melvar: It is I, Melvar!

I rarely read fanfiction anymore because most of it is horrible. But for a while, I was big into fanfiction. I still write fanfiction occasionally, but only when I have an idea that's good enough to be an episode of the show or whatever. (Usually, I write for comedy. Who wants to ruin Final Fantasy VII with another Aeris resurrection story in which she and Cloud live happily ever after and have a child named Squall thus opening into FF8 even though it takes place in a completely different world?) Back when I was big into fanfiction, it was impossible not to know terms such as yaoi, yuri, hentai, etc. I've read my fair share of fanfiction, and let me tell you, I did not like most of what I saw. There were a few good fanfics (even one really good FF7 fanfic, which is strange because usually things like FF get the worst fanfiction) but most of it was crap. Cloud and Sephiroth are not lovers. They hate each other literally to death. They will never stop midway into a battle and start putting their tongues into each other's mouths. It just simply can't happen, but the perverted fangirls need something to finger themselves over, right?

Um, I'm guessing I don't want to know what those other terms mean...

Oh and, thank you for sharing someone's perverse idea regarding FF7... I think I'll need some bleach to wash my brain with...

Yuri is girl/girl. Hentai... everyone knows what that means, right?

But yeah, it's impossible to avoid learning the terms if you've read any fanfics... though ipossibly a bit less so since fanfiction.net got rid of their R-rated stories...

I never felt the desire to write a fanfiction, nor will I ever do so.

I haven't tried fiction writing since elementary school...

Oh, I right of ton of fiction. But fan-fiction? No way.

Personally, I don't like fan fiction.

Now, I have read some great ones. IcyBrian has a lot, and there was one called the SquareFiction library (which sadly no longer exists), and in some of those, you had stories that actually took these characters and, without changing basic factors of their motive or personality, actually make them deeper and more interesting.

For instance, there was one short Xenogears fic (and I think it was at that site with all the nasty) about Fei, and how he handles trying to be a father to Emeralda (since he technically is also Kim Kasim, the man who created her). It was really touching, and it left me feeling good after reading it.

However, most of them lack creativity or are poorly-written (If something is written and there are lots of spelling or grammar errors, I can't read it), and those that aren't total crap are often unimaginative or take creative liberty way too far.

I love to write fiction, but I'm far too much of a control freak to write fan fiction, even if I wanted to, for writing fan fiction involves taking someone else's characters, world, setting, and you have to at least loosely follow the rules of this creation. When I write my own fiction, every single facet that is mine to shape and control as I see fit. When I'm on a roll and writing something I really like, I feel an empathy with my characters that I cannot feel with someone elses, for I know my characters better than anyone else ever can. I know every one of their dirty little secrets and hidden desires, for they are all the result of me.

Um, sorry I never heard of that site, and also thanks for defining that for me... I guess it should have been obvious... And um, no I really don't have any idea what "hentai" means. I imagine in the context it means "straight sex" though... If it means ANYTHING else don't define it! I honestly don't want to know whatever other thing they may come up with...

hentai = pervert / perverted. Pretty much any sexual fafics are called 'hentai' -- anything close to an R rating for sexuality. :)

The word's also frequently used in manga and anime, by female characters towards the male ones (translated into English of course as 'pervert').

I do believe I said DON'T define it... Oh well, not as bad as I thought. Surprising really, in it's honesty. Maybe these people have low self esteem?

You said don't define it if it's really bad, but I wouldn't call that really bad... it's a really common term in anime and manga, and not just adults-only stuff. You just wouldn't know that if you watch it all in English.

Well I don't actually KNOW Japanese, so I sorta HAVE to.

Ryan's right, the fanfics at IcyBrian are some of the best. I've tried submitting fanfics to them before and they're very picky. I'm glad they're picky though because the fanfics I submitted sucked and they can do without bad fanfics. They don't allow lemons, so no worries about Cloud/Sephy sex. The really good FF7 fic that I mentioned is called The Search for Aeris. It's at IcyBrian. If you ever, on whim, feel the desire to read RPG fanfiction, look for something at IcyBrian. You won't have much luck elsewhere.

I haven't really read a fanfiction before, but if I was going to read one I'd probably want to read one those that you guys are talking about as opposed to just about any others.

Some fanfics are good enough to be a part of the series or video game or whatever that they're based on. Most, however, aren't even worth glancing at.

I'll just stay away from the whole lot of it.

Well I don't actually KNOW Japanese, so I sorta HAVE to.

subtitles, DJ, subtitles... :)

Subtitles are funny sometimes. :D

On bootlegs.

Yup.

Sometimes they're not funny in a good way, though.

Um ABF, that's still English... That's still depending on the translation being accurate. That's not the original Japanese you are reading down there...

True, it does depend on the translation being accurate, but it's easier to just line up a block of text with the words that are being said as they were meant to (from a filmmaking standpoint, the film is designed to work in its primary language... you know, talking speed, etc...)... so yes, you're still at the mercy of translators. You always will be unless you learn the language. But at least it's closer to the way it was meant to be than it is dubbed.

Oh, and I meant that you can hear the Japanese when you use subtitles -- so you will almost certainly learn a few Japanese words, if just by sound, not by writing.

Um ABF, that's still English... That's still depending on the translation being accurate. That's not the original Japanese you are reading down there...

What do you do? Turn the sound all the way down when you watch something with subtitles?

Yeah, that was my point... you can't help but learn a few words, at least.

Can't help it? How exactly am I supposed to learn random words? I mean, I can see it when they say ONE word and that's all they show, or if they say one word repeatedly for dramatics, but most of the time I really don't even know where their words start or end. It all just bleeds into one massive runon string of sounds.

Listen for more than a few minuites and telling the words apart isn't hard... really, Japanese isn't really that hard to say or to distinguish words, it's the characters barrier that's the real problem for learning it...

And as for learning words, how could you not? They talk. You hear them talking. You hear the words. You see translations below. Sure, we have different sentence structures, sometimes it's not exact word replacement (though with subtitles it's closer), etc, but still... it doesn't take much effort at all to figure out a few words, especially the common ones!

I guess maybe it would help if you had an idea of what particular word or phrase you were listening for though. Still, I've been able to pick of a couple of words by listening to Japanese tracks.